Hope you know I've had a hard time

Well, this post doesn't have anything to do with Elder Cook's talk "Hope You Know I've Had a Hard Time" but I just feel it is perfect to express how I feel after this week.  Holy cow, it has been HARD!  But, like Elder Cook says, it isn't bad to express emotions like that.  It isn't bad to say, "Hey, God.  I trust in You.  I know that You are there.  I know that everything will be okay.  I just feel beat up, sad, exhausted, and I just keep having to fight.  I'm having a really hard time.  But don't worry, I'll keep going.  I know that this is happening for a reason.  It is just....hard!"  That is where I'm at right now.

Luckily, we have the scriptures, the words of the prophets, the Holy Ghost and PRAYER.  I love prayer.  I am trying to be more honest and open and to put forth the work necessary to pray, because for whatever reason, sometimes that is hard for me to do.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  After I prayed today, I opened up my scriptures and Moroni was peering his courageous face at me, his standard of liberty in his hand.  What a great moment and man to read about on a day where you feel like you are floating, you don't know what to do, and you don't have much left in you.  You are starting to feel that the opposition may be getting to you a little bit.  You start to fear that maybe you'll fall or forget or you won't do the right thing.  But let's take a look at what Alma 46 says to a person in this state, a person like me:

Moroni put on his armor and poured out his soul to God that the freedom of the land might be favored (or personal freedom...freedom from fear, doubt, darkness).  

He says, "Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions."  

What an empowering statement!  We need to pour out our souls to God to preserve our freedom, and then be accordingly obedient so that we may not be destroyed by our enemies.  In my current state, I have fears and doubts and confusion about a lot of things.  I feel pretty beaten up in all aspect of my life.  But I won't let those feelings get in the way of what I know: God is my Father who loves me and is taking care of me.  He wants me to progress, and He knows how to help me do it.  Opposition is happening right now so that I can get to the next point in my progress.  Sometimes it feels like I am constantly being beaten down by so many things, but I know that it is because God trusts me and loves me, and He will help me through it all.  

I must be as the people in this story who after Moroni rent his garment, came running, ready to make a covenant of obedience to God, a covenant that meant that they would never be ashamed of taking upon them the name of Christ.  A people who were "faithful...[who] took upon them, gladly, the name of Christ."  Taking upon the name of Christ is NOT easy.  I have seen this, and a part of the reason why things have been so difficult is precisely because I've been doing that.  When you spread a lot of light, you in turn get a lot of opposition.  When you follow Christ and do God's will, you are becoming a force for good and guess who is going to be mad about that...you-know-who.  But good always wins...in fact, it has already one.  Christ already paid!  He is the light and the hope of the world.  Thus, I gladly take upon me the name of Christ, willing to go through whatever it is that I need to to have the blessings that God has in store for me.  I trust Him.  I know that I'm in good hands because I'm in His hands.  And I have the One on my side who already paid, who already overcame all the darkness that ever existed, exists, and will exist.  I GLADLY go forward with faith that even though I'm having a hard time, I'll eventually be okay.  I'll figure it out with the help of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.  

Thank you Moroni!  I just have to keep focusing on obedience, because like he said, that is the only thing that will keep us from being destroyed.  At least I have a battle plan.  Phew!  Here I go into this next week, willing to do whatever it is that happens.  I know that I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.  

Love ya,

Rachel