Even in our punk moments, God loves and reassures us.

We are such punks, but God loves us anyways.  He knows where we each are individually.  And He knows how to reassure us in our moments of doubt or lack of confidence. This really hit me today when I was reading Doctrine and Covenants sections seven and eight.  In the first, John the Beloved had asked God to remain on earth until Christ comes so that he can bring more people to Christ.  Peter had asked to "speedily come" to God in His kingdom.  I don't know if I understand exactly what was happening, but it seems to me that Peter was kind of comparing himself to John, and saying something like, "How come he gets to stay?  Should I have said that?  Maybe my desire wasn't good..."  But Christ, knowing his heart and lovingly reassuring him says, "I say unto thee, Peter, this was a good desire.  But John wants to do work more here on Earth. He has undertaken a greater work so I will help him do it.  And you can elp him too.  You three will have this power and the keys of this ministry until I come."  I can hear the reassurance in Christ's voice.  Isn't that so typical of us?  We start comparing ourselves.  And Peter wasn't doing it in an envious way.  He seems to me to start to doubt his own motives and what he had chosen because of the good thing that John had chosen to do.

Christ responds, "Verily I say unto you, ye shall both have according to your desires, for ye both joy in that which ye have desired."  Isn't that beautiful?  They joyed in different things, but both of those choices are based in goodness.  And one choice wasn't better than the other.  They were just different. We each have our own path and our own choices to make.  If we folw the revelation we have received from God, we don't have to wonder, "Why does so-and-so have this?  Aren't I doing the right thing?"  or "So-and-so made this choice and it seems to be working out for them...maybe I should have made that choice too instead of the one I chose."  It is so easy to do this!  It seems harmless too because it isn't exactly envy.  However, this type of thinking creates a Lot's wife situation where we look backwards on what we have already received from God.  I'm sure that Peter felt good about his decision.  I'm sure he felt like God approved and all warm and fuzzy in his heart.  Only when he saw John's decision and the good it could do did he start looking back on what he had chosen.

In D&C 8, Oliver is also in a moment of doubt where he wants so badly to translate, but he hesitates.  Christ helps him through it: "Look, Oliver, I promise you that you can receive whatever knowledge you need as long as your ask in faith and with a sincere heart.  I will speak to your mind and heart through my spirit.  This is YOUR gift.  Trust in it. Remember these words.  Remember that this is YOUR gift.  Only God can give you this. Don't doubt it.  You will have the gift and you will do a great work with it.  It can't fail because it is the work of God.  Remember that without faith, you can't do anything.  So make sure you are asking in faith, and only ask what you should.  According to your faith, it will be done."

Again, I can feel the loving reassurance from Christ to Oliver here.  Oliver is looking back on revelation he has already received.  But Christ tells him twice, "Buddy, this is your gift.  God has given it to you. You can trust in it."  Remember these promises.
 
Sometimes we look at these stories and think about how silly these guys are.  Then we have that moment where we realize...oh, I do that all the time.  How many times do we question what we have received?  How many times do we question our own ability to complete a task that God has given us?  How many times do we wonder if we are doing the right thing after we already know that we are?  How many times do we compare ourselves to other people worried that maybe we aren't doing what God wants us to do just because they have chosen something different?

Luckily God loves us.  And He will send us the reassurance we need to continue forward.  God is so good and loving.  We can trust in that.  I know that sometimes I can be such a pest.  This week I kind of got a slap in the face when I realized how selfish, how inwardly focused, and how impatient I have been sometimes.  But God has been there in my moments of doubt, reassuring me.  Reminding me that I only have to take it day by day.  That I just need to keep going, keep obeying, keep listening for His voice.  And I can trust that it will come.  What a great Father we have.

I love you,

Rachel